It may not seem like it's the most important thing in life to you, but to your narcissistic abuser it certainly is!
For money equals power..
Regardless of who has the highest income in the relationship, it will be the victim whose cash gets used for all of the joint costs. And these relationships are far more troublesome when there are limited funds available for the narcissist to "play with"..
Where there are high salaries, or family money maybe, the issues may not seem relevant for some time..
But one thing is certain, a victim of narcissist abuse is guaranteed a lifetime of empty or broken promises, and to experience one disappointment after another..
Now, if we keep in mind that during a relationship with a narcissistic abuser, the Victim likely believes the narcissist is their soul-mate, loves them like no-one else ever could, and that the narcissist does in fact love and need them, even more than life itself..
So the victim's interpretation of the empty promises and financial dealings with their narcissist will likely be quite distorted. That is, even if these facts are pointed out to them by loved ones or even professionals, the victim (still not believing themselves to be a victim) is unlikely at that stage to recognise they are being let down..
The narcissist will only be content whilst the victim remains compliant, especially with their cash..!
Being in relationship with an narcissistic abuser is like riding an organic roller-coaster!
The narcissist can be very very attentive and loving towards their victim one minute, then behave like a sadistic tyrant the next..
And as the cash-flow dries up, so does the loving..
What can be dangerous for the victim is when they are the one in control of the cash-flow within the relationship. This gives the victim a power that the narcissist cannot tolerate, and they will find increasingly imaginative ways to make their victim suffer for it..!
Any former victims reading this will likely recall how loving their narcissist was when they wanted something from them, and how nasty they turned if their demands were ever refused..?
Whilst I was in that situation I learned quite quickly that to leave "us" without any available cash for the narcissist to spend would always lead to bad-tempered animosity and a very poor living environment..
I had stopped buying basic items for myself such as: clothes, make-up, and accessories, out of what I now understand was a fear of not having ready cash available..
So basically -
- I never saw the narcissists income, despite all the bragging about how much it was on occasion..
- The narcissist always had some other debt or bill to pay when the household bills were due..
- I never received any of the gifts I'd been promised for my birthday or Christmas, despite me buying plenty for the narcissist..
- I paid for all daily living expenses including the narcissists cigarettes and meals out, whilst the only thing the narcissist paid for was our first meal out, and when attempting to dissuade me from ending it, just before I finally did do..
- The narcissist took my property, money from my purse, my pain medication, and even tried to take money from my bank account..
- Items of my clothing disappeared one-by-one, my jewellery went piece-by-piece, and pretty much everything I'd owned with any material value was appropriated by the narcissist - before I finally left...